Why Are We Lonely…
Disclaimer: This blog was written prior to the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic .
I encourage clients to take periodic breaks from social media, although there is a place for it. because it allows users to quickly keep in touch. However, it appears to me one of the primary reasons many people use SM is to boast about their lives to others. This phenomenon can boost and multiply feelings of envy, regret, remorse and jealousy. These feelings can be ingredients for anxiety and depression. The “keeping up with the Joneses” syndrome remains prevalent.
Social media cannot take the place of real relationships and using SM too much can give you an allusive feeling that everyone you meet on social media is your friend, they are not. Real friendships must be nurtured, cultivated and are not solely developed or maintained by the stroke of a keyboard. While taking a break from social media, I implore you to get to know and or re-establish relationships with some significant people in your life. The first one, being yourself…peel back some layers and ask yourself some of these important questions: Who are you, who do you want to be, what’s derailing you from being your best self. When are you happiest, if you could do anything knowing you could not fail, what would you do? Knowing who you are, what makes you happy and what do you dream of doing no matter the outcome are important steps toward self-reflection. Be slow to evaluate and or judge others and quick to evaluate yourself. You may be wondering… how will answering these questions make you less lonely? If you take the time to think about where you are in life and develop a plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be you may reduce some of the feelings of loneliness. The process of real self-reflection takes thought, authenticity and time. Time not spent feeling lonely, but in meaningful self-discovery and action.
In addition, to knowing yourself better, you can also use the time away from social media to go out and develop some real-life authentic friendships in real time. Social media has also contributed to the growing inability to meet new friends and use social graces to get to know each other in a deeper way. Meaningful personal relationships occur through communication…not a quick text while you’re distracted completing several other tasks.
Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, emphasizes that loneliness and emotional well-being are serious public health concerns. In the last 50 years rates of loneliness have doubled in the U.S. in a survey of over 20,000 adults, almost half of the respondents reported feeling alone, left out, and isolated, and one in five people stated they rarely or never feel not close to people.
Ways to Address Loneliness
Live in the moment
Make a list of things you what to accomplish and go after them
Recognize that others are fearful and lonely too
Reach out to a friend or co-worker, for a brief chat or to schedule a coffee or lunch date
Learn to appreciate and enjoy your own company
Don’t be afraid to enjoy a movie or museum by yourself
Volunteer in an area of interest
Start a home improvement or organizing project